TMI Project’s Black Stories Matter program is a sacred space. Sacred is the only word that comes close to describing how it feels to me. This is in part due to it being a space for people to be vulnerable, to share their truths and their stories. But, more than that, it is Sacred Black Space, of which there are too few.
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“Why do I still feel like a fraud? Like I don’t belong. Like I’m not black enough.“
Racism has been a big part of my life, I just never acknowledged it. I hate stuff like this. It makes me uncomfortable, as I’m sure it makes a lot of us. It’s easy to make excuses and look away. But something this morning is calling me to confront this feeling. Two more lives were lost. Another black man and another black woman to add to a huge list of those taken by people who are supposed to protect and serve us. There is something wrong with America. And it’s not just COVID 19. Racism has been here for a lot longer.
A year ago, I did a DNA test. I read it and was stunned. I’m 1/4 Portuguese and 1/4 Spanish. I’m 27.1% African from Northern and Western Africa. Why do I still feel like a fraud? Like I don’t belong. Like I’m not black enough.
I was adopted by two Caucasian people. I was told I was Hispanic and Italian. I don’t blame them for this misinformation. It’s very possible that my biological mother, whom I never met, didn’t know who my father was. I had 6 other adoptive siblings. Five were African American. I never felt I belonged. But, we all dealt with a lot of racism early on.
I was called a Spic and nigger in first grade.
I was told my real parents didn’t love me.
I was targeted by teachers and classmates because of my white parents.
I had a barber tell me that he didn’t have clippers for “my type of hair.”
I was looked at differently because of my color.
I feel a pain in my heart. A chill in my skin. I can’t describe it. I reach down at my chest where my heart is and feel something wet and warm. I raise my hand and see pain and hurt. It is like a dark moonless night. I don’t know why I thought if I ignored it long enough eventually I would be okay.
My art has called to me to create from this pain. It is one place I cannot hide what I feel. My art is real, honest and painful. Sometimes I hate it for this reason. But, my art has led to such growth in my life. It’s an outlet where I can say I am sorry to the younger version of myself for not validating this pain. I am sorry for not acknowledging my place in this fight.
I am a puzzle with a lot of different pieces.
I am Portuguese, I am Spanish and……
I am Black.
This story was received as an online submission.
Want More Black Stories Matter Content?
Stories have the power to increase visibility, raise awareness, change people’s hearts and minds, and inspire people to take meaningful action. We are making every effort to ensure all of our Black Stories Matter content is easily accessible, widely consumed, and is accompanied by tools to deepen the impact.
Listen: The TMI Project Story Hour, Season Two: Black Stories Matter, launches this fall. Learn more and subscribe to our podcast HERE
Host: a Black Stories Matter viewing party and discussion from anywhere in the world. Click HERE to learn more and sign up.
Share: TMI Preoject’s mission with Black Stories Matter is to elevate the underrepresented stories of the Black experience in America – the full spectrum – the triumphs, humor, beauty, and resilience. Click HERE to submit your story to be featured on the TMI Project blog.
(she/her)
I don’t know if I deserve to live in America. I have a job I love and feel safe in my house and have a colorful backyard.
Do I deserve to be free?
Why me?
Why can I sleep at night?
I think about the other immigrants, the ones who are in the camps right now, away from home, away from their favorite foods, their friends and families. Instead they are locked up in a room full of strangers. I imagine how it feels to spend years planning, leaving everything they know to chase The American Dream, to have a better future, but now the only dream they have is to get back home safe.
I am not better in any way.
I am not more kind.
I am not more wise.
Why can I sleep at night?
What about the people that I left behind? The architects, doctors, lawyers, and entrepreneurs who are living in Mexico trying to live a simple life, maybe trying to buy a house or pay their debts, but they just can’t.
I am not smarter.
I don’t work harder.
I am just another one.
Another Mexican.
Another immigrant.
Another human.
Why can I sleep at night?
Perla participated in a TMI Project online mini-storytelling workshop. This story was received as an online submission following the worksop.
“The American dream — the dream that makes you believe you can have equality and the same opportunity available to any American — is a nightmare for me because I’m Black.”
After watching the horrifying and brutal killing of George Floyd on national TV I cried. I was deeply sickened. I wanted to do or say something that would help others understand what it’s like to be Black in America because racism not only exists in the police departments, the criminal justice systems and the government, it exists in the workplace too.
During my eighteen-year career in higher education, which spanned from 2001 to 2019, I was the victim of racial discrimination four different times by three different employers in four different cities in the states of Colorado and California. The American dream — the dream that makes you believe you can have equality and the same opportunity available to any American — is a nightmare for me because I’m Black.
The first time I was discriminated against was in 2001. I was terrified and didn’t know what to do. My friends said, “Don’t fight. You’re just one person and nothing you do will make a difference.” My family said, “Don’t fight because if you make waves you’ll lose your job.”
But after years of being harassed, humiliated, and stripped of all dignity, confidence, and strength over and over again, I stopped hearing everyone around me and started listening to God. God inspired me to speak my truth no matter how painful it was and to do my best to prevent others from experiencing the devastation to their lives and careers that I had painfully endured.
I fought back against the first employer and each subsequent employer. When they realized that I had documentation that could prove the severity and frequency of the discrimination I endured, each one paid me hush money to buy my silence and hide the racism in their organizations. They also blackballed me from the industry that I loved, in the city that I worked, so I was forced to relocate and start over. Each time, I moved to a different city hoping to get hired by a company that was free of racism and, sadly, I found that in America no such place exists.
I’m tired. My battles against racism in the workplace that I have been forced to fight for the last eighteen years have left me broken, traumatized, and emotionally spent. At 52 years old, I’m getting too old to keep starting over. Even worse, I’m witnessing my children, who are now all grown up with careers of their own, suffer the same fate and it’s heartbreaking. It’s heartbreaking.
I share my story about fighting back, not only to help me deal with the trauma of racial discrimination, but also in hopes that it will make a difference, for my children and others.
This story was received as an online submission.
Want More Black Stories Matter Content?
Stories have the power to increase visibility, raise awareness, change people’s hearts and minds, and inspire people to take meaningful action. We are making every effort to ensure all of our Black Stories Matter content is easily accessible, widely consumed, and is accompanied by tools to deepen the impact.
Listen: The TMI Project Story Hour, Season Two: Black Stories Matter, launches this fall. Learn more and subscribe to our podcast HERE
Host: a Black Stories Matter viewing party and discussion from anywhere in the world. Click HERE to learn more and sign up.
Share: TMI Preoject’s mission with Black Stories Matter is to elevate the underrepresented stories of the Black experience in America – the full spectrum – the triumphs, humor, beauty, and resilience. Click HERE to submit your story to be featured on the TMI Project blog.
– Freedom Walker (she/her)
As the turbulent feelings ebb and flow during Freedom Walker’s (TinaLynn Dickerson) night in a former slave cellar, she drifts off to sleep, only to awake to the voice of an unknown entity who awards her a new name and helps her see the current state of racism in America.
#blacklivesmatter #blackstoriesmatter #defendblacklives
“The name is announced to me again: ‘You are Freedom Walker. You are Freedom Walker.”
Want More Black Stories Matter Content?
Stories have the power to increase visibility, raise awareness, change people’s hearts and minds, and inspire people to take meaningful action. We are making every effort to ensure all of our Black Stories Matter content is easily accessible, widely consumed, and is accompanied by tools to deepen the impact.
Listen: The TMI Project Story Hour, Season Two: Black Stories Matter, launches this fall. Learn more and subscribe to our podcast HERE
Host: a Black Stories Matter viewing party and discussion from anywhere in the world. Click HERE to learn more and sign up.
Share: TMI Preoject’s mission with Black Stories Matter is to elevate the underrepresented stories of the Black experience in America – the full spectrum – the triumphs, humor, beauty, and resilience. Click HERE to submit your story to be featured on the TMI Project blog.
In 1954, Odell (he/him) told his third grade teacher that he wanted to be the President of the United States; she told him it would be at least 150 years until that happened. Today, Odell is the Executive Director of the Library at the A.J. Williams-Myers African Roots Center in Kingston, NY, and he reflects on his childhood through adulthood to find him standing strong and feeling like the leader he always dreamed of being.
#blacklivesmatter #blackstoriesmatter #defendblacklives
“Ms. Kaufman says it will be at least 150 years before a Negro will be elected President.”
Want More Black Stories Matter Content?
Stories have the power to increase visibility, raise awareness, change people’s hearts and minds, and inspire people to take meaningful action. We are making every effort to ensure all of our Black Stories Matter content is easily accessible, widely consumed, and is accompanied by tools to deepen the impact.
Listen: The TMI Project Story Hour, Season Two: Black Stories Matter, launches this fall. Learn more and subscribe to our podcast HERE
Host: a Black Stories Matter viewing party and discussion from anywhere in the world. Click HERE to learn more and sign up.
Share: TMI Preoject’s mission with Black Stories Matter is to elevate the underrepresented stories of the Black experience in America – the full spectrum – the triumphs, humor, beauty, and resilience. Click HERE to submit your story to be featured on the TMI Project blog.
– Shawaine (she/her)
Shawaine started in a place where she was in the majority; but now, she lives in a place where she’s the minority. At 7, she left Jamaica and moved to the USA, where she quickly learned that racism, ignorance, and fear are synonymous words.
#blacklivesmatter #blackstoriesmatter #defendblacklives
“I am the Sunday dinner after church. I am the whoopings given for disrespect. I am the curry goat and chicken. I am the ‘sit still, or I’m a whoop you.’ I am the ‘girl, you better not test me.’ I am the fried chicken and watermelon. I am the Saturday cookouts; the loud shouts, lip smacking, feet stomping, head shaking, hand clapping black girl you make me out to be.”
Want More Black Stories Matter Content?
Stories have the power to increase visibility, raise awareness, change people’s hearts and minds, and inspire people to take meaningful action. We are making every effort to ensure all of our Black Stories Matter content is easily accessible, widely consumed, and is accompanied by tools to deepen the impact.
Listen: The TMI Project Story Hour, Season Two: Black Stories Matter, launches this fall. Learn more and subscribe to our podcast HERE
Host: a Black Stories Matter viewing party and discussion from anywhere in the world. Click HERE to learn more and sign up.
Share: TMI Preoject’s mission with Black Stories Matter is to elevate the underrepresented stories of the Black experience in America – the full spectrum – the triumphs, humor, beauty, and resilience. Click HERE to submit your story to be featured on the TMI Project blog.
– Alex (she/her)
“Who will be there for me?” Rejected by her mother, 16 year old Alex carries that question with her everywhere she goes. When she is shot while taking a group of kids home from the community center, she wonders, “Who will be there for me?”
#blacklivesmatter #blackstoriesmatter #defendblacklives
“I am a miracle. I am that black girl who got shot who called his name and shouted out to the top of my lungs Psalms 121:1-2: ‘I lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? The Lord, the Maker of the Heavens and Earth!'”
Want More Black Stories Matter Content?
Stories have the power to increase visibility, raise awareness, change people’s hearts and minds, and inspire people to take meaningful action. We are making every effort to ensure all of our Black Stories Matter content is easily accessible, widely consumed, and is accompanied by tools to deepen the impact.
Listen: The TMI Project Story Hour, Season Two: Black Stories Matter, launches this fall. Learn more and subscribe to our podcast HERE
Host: a Black Stories Matter viewing party and discussion from anywhere in the world. Click HERE to learn more and sign up.
Share: TMI Project’s mission with Black Stories Matter is to elevate the underrepresented stories of the Black experience in America – the full spectrum – the triumphs, humor, beauty, and resilience. Click HERE to submit your story to be featured on the TMI Project blog.
– Tamika (she/her)
Tamika, a straight-A student living up to the pressures of being a preacher’s daughter, finds herself shunned by her church community when she becomes pregnant as a teen. In her story, we find out how her love for her son inspires her to live through hard times and regain control of her life narrative regardless of what anyone else is saying.
#blacklivesmatter #blackstoriesmatter #defendblacklives
“I walk out of the DSS building pushing my one-year-old child in the middle of winter with nowhere to go. I find a coffee shop a half a mile away and I use my last $1.25 to buy a cup of tea so I can sit there.”
Want More Black Stories Matter Content?
Stories have the power to increase visibility, raise awareness, change people’s hearts and minds, and inspire people to take meaningful action. We are making every effort to ensure all of our Black Stories Matter content is easily accessible, widely consumed, and is accompanied by tools to deepen the impact.
Listen: The TMI Project Story Hour, Season Two: Black Stories Matter, launches this fall. Learn more and subscribe to our podcast HERE
Host: a Black Stories Matter viewing party and discussion from anywhere in the world. Click HERE to learn more and sign up.
Share: TMI Project’s mission with Black Stories Matter is to elevate the underrepresented stories of the Black experience in America – the full spectrum – the triumphs, humor, beauty, and resilience. Click HERE to submit your story to be featured on the TMI Project blog.
– Martin (he/him)
As a result of growing up in a violent household, Martin craves positive relationships with men but has a hard time trusting them until he meets Tom, a chairman of Goldman Sachs. Tom takes Martin under his wing and sees something in him that he can’t yet see in himself.
#blacklivesmatter #blackstoriesmatter #defendblacklives
“My father never said “I love you,” so I annoy my children with lots of I love you’s. He hardly supported or attended my events, so I do my best to never miss any of my children’s events. He put strangers before his own family. I will always put my kids first.”
Want More Black Stories Matter Content?
Stories have the power to increase visibility, raise awareness, change people’s hearts and minds, and inspire people to take meaningful action. We are making every effort to ensure all of our Black Stories Matter content is easily accessible, widely consumed, and is accompanied by tools to deepen the impact.
Listen: The TMI Project Story Hour, Season Two: Black Stories Matter, launches this fall. Learn more and subscribe to our podcast HERE
Host: a Black Stories Matter viewing party and discussion from anywhere in the world. Click HERE to learn more and sign up.
Share: TMI Project’s mission with Black Stories Matter is to elevate the underrepresented stories of the Black experience in America – the full spectrum – the triumphs, humor, beauty, and resilience. Click HERE to submit your story to be featured on the TMI Project blog.
